


Tear In My Heart

by actualtrashking



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-04-16 05:45:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4613436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actualtrashking/pseuds/actualtrashking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura is shattered but Danny is always there to pick up the pieces even when Laura hasn't realized she has fallen apart again</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tear In My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I have become complete Hollence trash and developed a new writing style seemingly entirely for just them. Have some bits and pieces of their relationship.
> 
> Title is from a Twenty One Pilots song of the same name

“Danny?” Laura’s voice is so soft and so broken that Danny feels her entire world crumbling in her hands--again.

Danny’s answer is to curl into Laura, wrapping herself around Laura as if to act like a human shield. But Danny can’t protect her from everything, the damage has already been done. Laura sighs as Danny’s lips press to the back of her neck in kisses so small Laura isn’t sure at first that’s what they are but eventually she stops caring if they are or not--they are though.

They lie like that for a while--the minutes passing like hours. 

Laura finally shifts, flips her body around so that she is facing Danny. Danny’s eyes scan Laura’s face searching her as if the emotional turmoil of the past few days had marred her physically somehow--as if there was something Danny could see to act on--something Danny could  _fix._

That’s not how it works, unfortunately.

* * *

 

Laura wants to drown in the sea that is Danny’s eyes. She wants to be engulfed. She wants to stop struggling against the current and just let it take her down. She’s read before that drowning is supposed to be peaceful--but she can’t actually drown in her girlfriend’s eyes no matter how much she might want to.

Danny’s mouth crashes into Laura’s like waves against the rocks. That seems fitting though, Laura being the harsh immovable object slowly getting worn down by something so seemingly harmless. Laura pulls Danny in closer, presses their bodies as close as she can because she wants desperately to forget where she ends and Danny begins.

The kisses turn into hardly more than teeth and violence but that’s how Laura likes it. She wants Danny to tear her apart because staying together takes too much effort. Laura’s mouth is warm against Danny’s jugular before she bites down. Danny moans into Laura’s skin and presses her nails into Laura’s back on instinct.

Laura doesn’t realize she’s chanting “More, more, more”

Until Danny’s hand slips underneath the waistband of her underwear.

Danny’s hands are one of Laura’s favorite parts of her. 

“You’re so close” Danny mutters into Laura’s neck

Danny swallows Laura’s screams as she comes hard under Danny’s hands. It’s not enough though, it will never be enough. 

Danny’s eyes aren’t an angry sea, Laura realizes, when she locks eyes with her before falling over the edge towards her orgasm. They’re too clear for that.

Laura’s mouth is between Danny’s thighs, lapping at her eagerly, hungrily. Danny falls apart fast under Laura’s tongue, her fingers tangled in Laura’s hair.

Laura is the one crying afterwards.

* * *

 

Danny mutters against Laura’s back, peppering the exposed expanse of skin with the lightest of kisses.

“You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay”

Danny hopes the sentiment will sink into Laura’s skin and it will become true. 

“You’re safe, you’re safe, you’re safe”

Danny will burn herself to the ground to make sure that  _is_ true.

Laura doesn’t look Danny in the eyes when she turns again to face her. She can feel Danny’s eyes on her though, boring holes into her. Laura knows she means well--knows she just wants to help. But the words hanging between them are caught in Laura’s throat.

The only way Laura can find to stop herself from choking on them is to sob. Her body wracked with tears. Danny’s arms almost feel like home--almost.

Danny’s mouth tastes like home and safety.

* * *

 Laura clings to her desperately, blunt nails digging into Danny’s sides. Danny never once voices discomfort. Not even when Laura shifts in bed and Danny has to follow her lead into increasingly uncomfortable positions that were not made for people above five feet tall.

Laura wonders if Danny will get tired one day of putting her back together when she falls apart. Worries that Danny will step back from the wreckage of Laura’s life and realize she could do so much better.

Laura’s nails dig into Danny’s shoulder trying to keep her there just a little bit longer. 

“Stay” Laura whispers into Danny’s chest

Danny hums in response

Laura presses her ear to Danny’s chest, melts into the vibrations when Danny makes any sort of noise. The backdrop to her destruction is Danny’s steady heartbeat that sounds like all of the promises Danny has  _kept_. 

“God, please stay” Laura whimpers

“I’m not going anywhere without you” 

Laura takes comfort in the words but also the rumble in Danny’s chest. They are here in this bed. They are alive. They are burning husks of who they once were--but they are alive. Laura can hear Danny’s heartbeat speed up. Laura holds her close.

“Say it?”

“I love you”

Laura leans up, daring to look Danny in the eyes

“I love you, I love you, I love you” Danny chants into Laura’s mouth as a prayer

“I” Laura kisses Danny’s neck, biting at her pulse

“Love” Danny shifts below her but Laura stays steady licking a line up Danny’s neck letting Danny’s moan hang in the air between them

“You” Laura finally finishes, her lips ghosting over Danny’s collarbone.

* * *

 

“Fuck” Laura breaths out as she grips Danny’s hair pushing Danny’s face deeper between her thighs

Laura is right on the edge, she can feel her body tensing up.

Almost, almost,  _almost_.

Danny stops.

Laura can’t hold back the sound that claws its way up her throat. She was so close. Danny almost had her there. She needs Danny infinitely  _closer_. She needs to feel something more than the ashes in her mouth from words she can’t speak.

“Please, please, please” Laura whines bucking her hips up in desperate need

“Look at me” Danny says with her chin resting on Laura’s abdomen

Laura’s eyes shoot open and she looks at Danny rolling her hips up still hoping to gain friction but coming up short

“Don’t stop looking at me” Danny says before ducking her head back down, her mouth on Laura at a cruelly fast pace

Laura doesn’t break eye contact until she is coming under Danny’s mouth moaning Danny’s name like it is the only real word in the English language

* * *

 

“I am not moving again” Laura says as she crawls back into bed. 

They only leave for the necessities, bathroom breaks or food--and even then they gave up on food an hour ago when Laura realized she had to do more than grab something out of the fridge

“Then stay here with me” Danny mutters out her voice soft

“Forever” Laura replies

Danny thinks she could live with forever.

Laura wishes they had the time

 

* * *

 

“I don’t want to talk about it”

“But--”

“No”

“Okay, okay” Danny says punctuating her words by rubbing comforting circles into Laura’s back

Laura pretends she isn’t melting into Danny’s touch. Laura pretends she can’t hear Danny’s murmurs against her skin. Laura pretends her shoulders aren’t shaking with sobs. Laura pretends Danny’s arms around her are the unwavering safety they feel like.

“I love you, I love you, I love you”

Laura’s not sure if she’s speaking or Danny is, she pretends like it matters.

* * *

 

Laura’s eyes open to see Danny’s face inches from her own. Danny is still asleep. Thankfully in sleep Danny’s brow doesn’t furrow. Thankfully Danny can finally get some rest. Thankfully Danny is still here with her.

Laura doesn’t want to drown in Danny’s eyes anymore. She wants to smooth her thumb over the creases in Danny’s brow when Danny is awake. She wants to kiss certainty into Danny’s mouth. She wants to press safety into Danny’s bones.

She wants to stop time and watch Danny sleep until she can wake feeling alive again. She wants so many things she can’t have.

* * *

 

The bed can’t be their safety net forever, Laura knows. But for right now it’s enough. Right now Danny’s body is Laura’s tether to the only reality she wants to see. Right now Danny’s hands on her feel like peace. Right now Laura can hide her splintering soul. Right now Danny can kiss away the fears, tug away the uncertainty, bite away the sadness--Right now Danny is the only truly real thing to Laura--everything else is just background buzz and she thinks that’s how love should be when they’re so broken--building each other up while shutting the world out.

Or maybe she just wants to believe that because she can have the comfort of Danny’s heartbeat under her palm and their bed can serve as their net--catching them the moment they fall.

Laura thinks she may never stop falling 

* * *

 

“Say it”

“I love you”

“Again, again, again”

“I love you, I love you, I love you”

Danny eats Laura’s words and presses her fingers between Laura’s thighs.

Laura bites down on Danny’s shoulder as she comes. Only when she pulls back does she realize she has broken skin. Danny doesn’t seem to mind. Laura feels like it should bother her distantly--her brain is a fog.

The only thing solid in her world is Danny and sometimes that’s enough

Other times it’s really not.

Laura’s hand goes over Danny’s wound and her fingers come back red. This is happening. They are here. They are alive and wounded and even wounding each other--but they are so much better than they were.

* * *

 

Danny’s mouth tastes like blood. 

Laura can’t find it in herself to mind.

Danny kisses her hard, all teeth

Laura moans into Danny’s mouth sliding her hands up Danny’s stomach before wrapping her arms around Danny’s neck.

“I love you, I love you, I love you”

“I need you, I need you, I need you”

“Stay”

“I’m right here”

“I need you so much closer”

“As close as I can”

Danny presses herself into Laura and Laura clings to her cutting half moons into Danny’s skin. 

“Don’t leave”

“Don’t forget me”

“I could never”

* * *

 

“I’m serious”

“Shut up”

“No, really, you’re like a fucking star. I’d let you burn me apart”

“I don’t want to...”

“Kiss me”

Laura kisses Danny and Danny deepens it, pulling Laura into her lap. She knows she’s already burning herself into Danny’s skin. She knows she’s leaving scars. She knows Danny has already left so many on her skin. Laura traces them sometimes--traces her fingers over the first time Danny kissed her. Absently ghosts her fingers over the first time Danny said she loved her. Nervously tugs at the first time Danny made her  _feel_  loved.

She wants to leave Danny intact. But she knows she can’t. She knows she’s already done her damage, burned her hand into Danny’s chest and charred Danny’s heart. 

But Danny has curled her way around Laura’s fucking soul and Laura knows she will never be the same. It feels strange though, to know Danny has changed her in ways she can never come back from. Changed her in ways Laura would never want to come back from--no matter the damage.

“Stay, stay, stay” Laura mutters against Danny’s lips

The scars aren’t really there--but if Laura concentrates hard enough it’s almost as if they are--she’ll never forget those moments--she’ll always have those to carry with her.

Laura likes the scars Danny has given her and she hopes with everything in her Danny likes the ones Laura has given her.

All Danny has to do is look at Laura and she knows Danny does.

* * *

 

Sometimes Laura thinks the way Danny looks at her could stop her heart. Worries for a second that it has. Until Danny kisses her, palm over her sternum and says her heart is beating like a jackhammer.

Laura tries to remember a time before Danny but she always manages to come up short. There were things, people, events, but they all lose focus. They shaped her but Danny  _changed_  her--loved her enough to let Laura build herself back up slowly. Danny offered her a hand when Laura needed it but never once took over, never once tried to build Laura in her image, never once tried to  _change_  Laura--which is what changed her the most.

Laura can’t remember a time before Danny because she was never really alive then. She was surviving. Danny’s hands on her, Danny’s kisses pressed to her skin, Danny’s love-- breathed life into Laura she hadn’t even known she was missing.

“I love you, I love you, I love you”

 

* * *

 

“You’re Orion”

“What?”

“You always go on about me being a star but you’re a  _constellation_. You’re my hunter”

Danny wraps her arm around Laura’s waist. Laura runs her fingernails over the skin on Danny’s arms. Danny shivers.

“I’ll keep you safe”

“I know you will”

“Keep me safe too?” Danny asks, her voice small

“With my life”

"That defeats the entire purpose”

“I don’t care”

Danny smiles into Laura’s skin as they lie there letting the silence stretch over them. Laura pulls Danny on top of her and holds her close--she wants to shield Danny from herself most of the time. She wants Danny safe and happy and okay, she wants Danny to be all hers.

She wants exactly what she has

Until she doesn’t have it anymore

 

* * *

 

“I’m okay, I promise”

“Stay, stay, stay” Laura mutters as she kisses Danny’s face everywhere she can reach

“I’m okay”

“Danny...”

“I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay.”

Laura doesn’t stop kissing her for a long time

Danny winces in pain as she shifts in bed

Laura reaches behind her back for Danny. Forgetting. 

“Fuck” Danny seethes

Laura turns around in a second, apologies spilling forth

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry”

Danny pulls her close cradling Laura’s head to her chest

“I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay”

Laura starts crying

“I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere without you”

“You’re not allowed to leave me” Laura sobs

“I would never”

“I thought I’d lost you”

“I’m right here, I promise”

“I love you, I love you, I love you”

* * *

 Danny’s head rests on Laura’s chest as Laura cards her fingers through Danny’s hair. Danny quietly hums her approval. Laura runs her nails over Danny’s bare back and chuckles at Danny's sharp intake of breath.

“Silly puppy”

“Shut up”

“Make me”

Danny looks up at Laura now, blushing

“I can’t”

“Exactly, because you’re my puppy”

“I’m not a puppy”

“Either way you’re mine.”

“Yours” Danny agrees as she settles back down on Laura’s chest.

Laura thinks that maybe they're finally not as broken as before and she hopes to every god out there that she is right because Danny is the best thing that has ever happened to her and she wants to finally feel like she is good enough.

Danny is hovering above Laura, their faces only inches apart.

“Come back to me”

“Always” Laura says as she wraps her arms around Danny’s neck

“I love you, I love you, I love you”

“Say it again”

* * *

 

Laura can’t sleep. She looks over at Danny whose breath evened out about thirty minutes ago. Danny looks so peaceful Laura hates to destroy that peace. Not enough to actually stop her from waking Danny though.

“I can’t sleep” Laura whispers 

Danny is only half awake, Laura knows. But Danny pulls her in close her mouth pressed to Laura’s ear.

“I’ll eat you up, I love you so” 

Danny’s fingers slip beneath the waistband of Laura’s shorts.

Fuck, I need you” Laura groans out

“Tell me what you want”

“Your mouth”

That was all Danny needed to hear before her tongue makes contact with Laura. Laura’s back bows as she screams her orgasm into the darkness.

“Go to sleep” Laura mutters as Danny moves back up the bed and flops down beside her, her arm draped around Laura’s chest

“You first” Danny counters

Laura is out in ten minutes

Danny is out in fifteen.

* * *

 

“Don’t leave me”

“I could never”

“Please”

“I’m yours” 

Laura snuggles into Danny deeper. She is terrified that one day she will wake up and Danny will see her for everything she is and everything she isn’t and she doesn’t think she could ever handle Danny walking away.

Really though if either of them should fear the other walking away it should be Danny. Laura left before. Laura was an idiot. She has done everything in her power to make it up to Danny since.

She has tried with all of her might to quell the fear bubbling up in her chest that Danny will finally realize she can do so much better for herself

“There is no one better than you” Danny cuts into Laura’s thoughts

“What?”

“I saw it behind your eyes. I know you’re worried. But I’m not going anywhere. You tried to push me away before and I didn’t leave for good. I can’t leave. I love you too much”

“Say it again”

“I love you, I love you, I love you”

Laura makes a small sound

“I’m never leaving”

Laura actually believes her this time

“I love you, I love you I love you”

“I know” Danny replies


End file.
